January 28, 2010

Oh, what a fantastic day it has been! It must have gotten up into the 50's today. It has been beautiful; it still is. Right now it is 41-cool and brisk-the 'boys'(dogs) and I just came in from our evening walk. It's hard to fathom that snow will be here just 24hrs. from now. Maybe I'll make some snow cream this time. We use to make it when I was a kid and I did it for my kids when they where little (though they don't remember it). Funny how the things I remember about their childhood are not the things they remember. I remember the snow cream, filling a carafe with hot cocoa and drinking it at the bus stop in the mornings when the boys (human sons) went to Cumberland, star gazing in the field with said carafe (cocoa or coffee). I remember Chris and I going out there to watch a meteor shower-had to be close to 1 or 2 in the morning. We had been out there a while watching what really was a lot of shooting stars when I looked directly above my head. It was a big white ball with this beautiful red tail with tinges of blue. There it was all glowing and streaking across the night sky. It was fantastic! I kept shouting at Chris "Look up! Look up!", but he kept looking in the opposite direction and screaming "Where? Where?". Poor kid. He never saw it. For the longest time I could not talk about it. Couldn't even hint at it without him getting upset. I wonder if he remembers that. Probably not. Oh, well. The fate of being Mom-you get to remember things that seem so precious to you but not even important enough for them to think about. It really has been a wonderful day. Good night and God bless.

January 22, 2010

Well, I was beginning to think I'd never get back to this and now that I'm here I forgot what it was I had originally wanted to say. I know it is miserable outside. I took the dogs out earlier-about 3:00(?)-and it was drizzly then. I really don't mind days like this-soup and cocoa days-but for some reason I just really not into it today. My husband is upstairs in bed listening to t.v. Earlier I was complaining about him doing nothing but laying in bed all day but now I'm wondering if maybe he doesn't have the right idea. Heck, it is Friday and what do we really have to do tomorrow? He may be going back to work soon so he might as well enjoy this now. He had a phone interview this past Tuesday (one and a half hours long) and it's just him and one other guy up for this job. We should know something by next week. It's exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time. But I know that if God wants him to have this job he will get it. It may turn out that the other guy needs it more-you just don't know. I'm praying about it. The job is in Louisiana. So I am really praying-it is up to God.
I am almost finished with my latest project-a sleeveless waistcoat. I'm kind of excited about it. I have not made an article of clothing without a pattern in a very long time but really enjoy creating with just the form.
Oh, wonderful. The old man (my husband) is up and sitting here at his laptop and grumbling about what's for dinner. Now he's singing stupid songs again. O.K. God, You really need to get him a job now. Please! (hahaha) Lord, the dogs are starting to look at me funny now. I guess I'd better go do the dinner thing.

January 17, 2010

Good morning Lord! Good morning world! It's about 9:00 on a Sunday morning. I'm gonna get dressed for church shortly. My husband is already there having his 'Men's Breakfast'. Boy, I'll tell you, I have absolutely no desire to eat moose or bear. Not that I don't appreciate the animals I just prefer them still on the hoof roaming around Canada. My plate is not the place for them. It's bad enough when the occasional deer shows up there. I'm never really sure how those things get misdirected.
I talked to Patrick last night. He seems to be doing o.k. though I don't think he is overly enthused about all this 'training'. Most of it is learning protocol. It's a bit like being back in school really. But if he does well at this and graduates (he will) then he gets to go sit in a little box for eight hours a day looking at identification papers in a foreign country. Ah, embassy duty! So much to love. But really it is kind of exciting. Especially if his post is in an awesomely cool place. He wants Ireland or Spain. That would be so nice. Man, I'm really gonna miss him though. I'd better get off of here before I start getting all sappy. Besides, I gotta get dressed now. Church is waiting.

Facebook | Katy Adams

Facebook | Katy Adams
I did not mean to do this. Sorry.

January 14, 2010

Wow! 2010! I know this is a delayed reaction. It just struck me what year I was writing. Sometimes I am amazed at life-my own life, the fact that I'm still here! I am forty-five now. My eldest son is twenty-five. My baby girl is seventeen! It just does not seem possible sometimes. When I was my daughters age I cared nothing for my life. All I did was party, drink and drug (though I was never very big in the whole drug scene) rock n roll, skip a lot of school-I still do not know how I did as well as I did-until I dropped out. I was a pathetic loser though I did not know it. I was very liberal with my body at the time because I felt accepted and loved. I drank because I did not feel accepted and loved. I smoked pot with my "enlightened and intelligent" friends-who, as it turned out, where neither enlightened nor intelligent. And I popped uppers (20/20's, yellow jackets,black beauties) so I could do whatever was expected of me to do and not have to think about my pathetic existence. I had absolutely no respect for authority since it did not seem to have any for me. 'Authority' had chucked me from home to home, told me I was not good, that I would never amount to anything and basically just kicked me in the teeth. So, at seventeen, I set out prove 'Authority' right. If I had not gotten married and pregnant at nineteen I probably would be dead now. Or in prison or prostitution at best. In a way having my first baby saved my life. I suddenly realized that there was something more to this living thing than being self-serving. I now had a child dependent on me and I was not going let my child have the childhood that I had. He was going to know that he was, is, and will always be loved. It's funny though how we get so intent on how we are going to do things with our own children that we sometimes go just the opposite extreme. I sincerely hope that I have not been to suffocating. I would hate to think that I did not give them the opportunity to find out who they are for themselves. I mean, I know we as parents try to give our children our own values, morals, and often our views. Whether we mean to or not we do this. I just hope that my influence on them has been more positive than negative and that they have had the chance to develop their own individual personalities independent of my own. God made them unique entities to shine own their own and I want them to do just that. I want them to be the best of what God created. At least I know that I am not the total loser I thought I was because God would not have given the responsibility and privilege of raising them if He did not see something worth saving. Though they screw up sometimes I am still very proud of my children. And I am so glad they did not have to go where I have been to become the people that they are.

January 11, 2010

I finally got a moment to myself-husband gone, dogs already fed and walked and quiet. It's nice. Well, Patrick left for Quantico(?) Saturday and today was his first day of training. He is very much in my thoughts. I really did not want him to go. I really just want him to be home. But he is a Marine and he has to do what is expected. I have to remind myself that he wanted this-it is his life. And he, along with a lot of other men and women, puts it on the line everyday for us, his country and way of life. Freedom would not be ours if some body had not fought for it. Freedom is never free-it has been hard won. And my son is one those who keeps it that way and I am extremely proud of him. But I'm his mom and I am selfish and I just want him home. So shot me.
Sent in another resume and answered some pre-interview questions. Tomorrow I will do it again. I found a WFH position for someone to create Bible trivia questions-not sure what for-but thought I might look into it. It pays $.50 a question. Who knows. Might be something to it. Might not. I'll find out.
Oh no, House is on. Sorry folks-gotta go. Good night.

January 6, 2010

Last night I dreamed that the kids were little again. Betty and I had had taken them to the beach. The hotel suite must have been something I made up because one side of it faced the ocean and the other side faced an old marina. The marina had been closed down and turned into some kind of swimming/activity facility for the hotel. That's where we were summing. I could see them clear as day; Pat splashing Chris in the face, Chris screaming and Betty yelling at both of them. Shannon was hanging on to my waist with those puffy air bags on her arms. There was a whole bunch of people and some guy speaking into a microphone. It was a very warm day, we were basting in sear and salt spray. Sea gulls were everywhere trying very hard to compete with the kids. There was a cacophony of summertime sounds. I smiled deeply inside myself.
And them I woke up. I am still in Farmville, my head is pounding (another sinus infection), I'm still unemployed, and my coffee maker stopped working. For a split second I had some vain hope that I had become a bear and had slept through winter. But no, still winter, still cold. But on the up side at least I did wake up.

January 4, 2010

It's about 8:20 in the a.m. Not early by most peoples standards but when you haven't had a reason to get up at any particular hour 8:20 can be prime sleeping time. At least my husband thinks so since he is still up in bed. But I am pretty confident in saying that he would gladly get up at 4:00 a.m. if he had a job to go to. This 'recession' is really doing a number on us. We are nearly at the end of our resources and there doesn't appear to be a light at the end of that proverbial tunnel. This has been going on since August. My husband is a Construction Superintendent and a very good one. I honestly thought that he would not have any problem getting another job. I guess I did not realize at the time just how bad things were. I kept hearing that we should have enough resources to get us through six months. Well, it's getting close to six months and there hasn't been so much as a nibble. I take that back. There actually was a 'nibble'. One company called to tell my husband that they were discussing his 'salary' when the job they had lined up fell through. So even though they were going to hire him they can't because they no longer have the work. I don't understand why they would even bother to tell him this. I mean why would you tell a man who is desperate for work that you were going to hire him, were discussing his salary, but your not going hire him now because you no longer need him? Wouldn't it have just been better to say 'We're not hiring at the moment'? I don't know. I'm praying that something will change for the better.

January 1, 2010

The moon is full tonight. One of those big heavy and strange full moons. If there weren't still Christmas lights up I'd swear it was Halloween. There's a crispness to the air tonight but it doesn't have that bit that it had earlier this week. It's a still peaceful cold.
I have a many hopes for this year. Like increasing sales in my shop, broadening my inventory to include other things, land a decent paying job for myself and my husband-especially my husband. He would think that's so I can get rid of him (only partly true). But really it's because he stands a chance of getting a much better job than I would and making a much better income than I can. As much as I hate to say that it is still true.
Well, let's hope (and pray a lot) that this year proves to be better for everyone. I think I might go watch some T.V. with my husband. I think it's 'Ghost Adventures' or something like that. I don't know. All those shows are a like to me. It's not the show, it's the company. Besides I want to get out of these jeans and get my sweats on. I feel very fat and uncomfortable.