Childern at the Feet of God

Childern at the Feet of God

Monday, October 4, 2010

October 4, 2010

  Divorce is never an easy thing.  It really is like a tearing of the flesh.  You spend so much time and put so much of yourself into another person then for whatever reason it suddenly isn't enough anymore.  Well, at least that's what it always seems like when starts to fall apart.   The truth is we get so distracted with life that we don't always 'see' or understand what our partner may be missing in their lives no matter how much they try to tell us.  We do, however, become painfully aware of what we are missing.  In fact, we become so side-tracked or obsessed with our own 'need' that we simply refuse to see our partners 'need'.  We just want our 'need' filled.  A lot of people turn to other means of filling that void--some with alcohol or drugs, some with gambling or compulsive shopping.  Others might use sex or have affairs.  Which was the case in my first marriage.  After that ended, I promised myself and God that I would never resort to that again and I haven't.  Odd, I haven't even wanted to.  Honestly, it only fills you with shame and self-loathing.  And if you end up marrying the person whom you had the affair with (I know, it rarely ever happens but it does happen) you pay for it every day of your life.  Even if nothing is ever said there is that constant reminder from the person you are with--that lack of trust and respect.  The cost is always too much.  And for my affair the price was extremely high indeed. In that atmosphere neither of you can really be happy. 
  But I don't regret having married again.  I actually did, and still do, love my second husband.  Though I don't think I was ever 'in love'.  I know after some time this parting my be the best thing for both of us but right now it just feels like a big gaping wound.  And I know in the days and weeks to come we will probably both end up acting like real asses but right now I just feel like my heart and lungs have been ripped out of my chest.  And I'm sure God will help me build a new life, one that He has planed for me, but right now I'm watching mine ride down the road in a bright red pick-up truck.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

July 29, 2010



Death is not the end; it is the intermission.




"For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it
may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?"


~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet







Requiescat


Strew on her roses, roses and never a spray of yew!
In quiet she reposes: Ah! would that I did too!


Her mirth the world required: She bathed it in smiles of glee.
But her heart was tired, tired, and now they let her be.


Her life was turning, turning, in mazes of heat and sound.
But for peace her soul was yearning, and now peace laps her round.


Her cabin'd, ample spirit, it flutter'd and fail'd for breath.
To-night it doth inherit the vasty hall of death.


  ~Matthew Arnold





"...One by one they were all becoming shades.  Better to pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age.  He thought of how she who lay beside him had locked in her heart for so many years that image of her lover's eyes when he had told her that he did not wish to live."


  ~James Joyce, The Dead; The Dubliners





And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.


 ~Dylan Thomas, And Death Shall Have No Domion, first stanza








"...Now that she was gone he understood how lonely her life must have been, sitting night after night alone in that room.  His life would be lonely too until he, too, died, ceased to exist, became a memory--if anyone remembered him."



"He turned back the way he had come, the rhythm of the engine pounding in his ears.  He began to doubt the reality of what his memory told him.  He halted under a tree and allowed the rhythm to die away.  He could not feel her near him in the darkness nor her voice touch his ear.  He waited for some minutes, listening.  He could hear nothing:  the night was perfectly silent.  He listened again: perfectly silent.  He felt that he was alone."


   ~James Joyce, A Painful Case, The Dubliners








Safe in Their Alabaster Chambers--


Safe in their Alabaster Chambers--
Untouched by Morning
And untouched by Noon--
Sleep the meek members of the Resurrection--
Rafter of satin,
And Roof of stone.


Light laughs the breeze
In her Castle above them--
Babbles the Bee in a stolid Ear,
Pipe the Sweet Birds in ignorant cadence--
Ah, what sagacity perished here.


   ~Emily Dickinson,  as written in 1859







EPITAPH TO A DOG



Near this spot
Are deposited the Remains
of one
Who possessed Beauty
Without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
And all the Virtues of Man
Without his Vices.


This Praise, which would be unmeaning flattery
If inscribed over Human Ashes,
Is but a just tribute to the Memeory of
"Boatswain," a Dog
Who was born at Newdoundland,
May, 1803,
And died at Newstead Abby
Nov. 18, 1808.



{This is Lord Byron's tribute to his dog, "Boatswain," written on a monument in the garden of Newstead Abby.  There is an accompanying poem but it is a bit lengthy and emotional so I did not include it.}







"...Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland.  It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and , farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves.  It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Micheal Furey lay buried.  It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstone, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns.  His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead."


   ~James Joyce, The Dead, The Dubliners







All the photographs were taken at Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, Virginia,
July 2, 2010 by Katy-jean Adams (c)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

July 15, 2010

 ~ for Nana


i thank You God

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes



(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
 day of life and of love and wings; and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)



how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?



(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

e.e.cummings



Happy Birthday Nana!

Miss you!

{And if Saint Francis starts to crowd you
tell him to shove over}

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Feds to File Suit Over Arizona Immigration Law

I don't really do political type post but I just wondered what everyone else thought of this and is there other info by another source. Just for the record I do understand Arizona being adamant about immigration because they do take the brunt of all this. I also thought that the Federal Government had promised to so something about this during the Bush administration. What happened? I don't know but I do know if I were a citizen of one of our bordering poverty stricken countries I would be risking my life to get here. Without a doubt.



Feds to File Suit Over Arizona Immigration Law

Sunday, June 27, 2010

June 27, 2010

 "There were sketches of buildings such as had never stood on the face of the earth.  They were as the first houses built by the first man born, who had never heard of others building before him. There was nothing to be said of them, except that each structure was inevitably what it had to be."
~Ayn Rand; The Fountainhead


They say I'm a little off, not quite 'there', weird--actually, they say I have bi-polar but I never let any of that change the way I think, the way I look at things, or my view of the world around me.  It is absolutely fascinating!  And one of the things I find so endlessly fascinating are structures, buildings, houses, schools, churches (but those have a special place). 


 I love wood and nails, bricks and mortar, steel, glass, concrete!



Give me arches, domes, spires, stained glass, brass and chrome!


 I don't care if it's rusted, twisted, rotted, or abandoned.  It can old or new, ornate or simple, historic or common.  Give me Gaudi or van Alen, Gehry or Wright.  Make it Greek Revival, Federalist, Mid-Century, Ultra-Modern or an Anti-bellum plantation. 


 It could be the Jefferson Monument...


 ...or the apartment building around the corner.


There is something so wonderful and emotional about a place.  It's not just the bricks and mortar but the blood, sweat and total human energy that goes into it.  The stories behind them and the feelings derived from them.  It's having something that's 'concrete' evoked emotions of awe or fear or familiarity.  Experience and memories are born from these.  And I find it all absolutely beautiful.


 Yes, I may be a little weird and had I been any good at math I would have been an architect.  But, alas, I suck at math so I can only admire other peoples work and the beauty that time has dressed it in. 



 People are a lot like buildings.  A foundation is laid down,  over a life time we are built and eventually we become what we 'have to be'.




Thursday, June 24, 2010

June 24,2010



 I am not a fashionista. Not from a lack of trying--more from a lack of money.  My style these days is more a loose comfortable skirt and a feminine t-shirt.  Even though I consider myself a girly girl (I really do love to mess around with clothes, shoes, jewelry, oh my!) I actually have to put money out on other things (lights, rent, gas, food-you know, bills).  I also don't have the time to devote to really enjoying fashion as it should be enjoyed because of other things--God, family, the future and work.  So I was kind of surprised when I got an invitation to join a fashion and style blogsite.  I went back through all my blogs and it was just as I suspected--not a single blog entry about fashion.  So, maybe they were thinking of my Avon blog--but no, that can't be.   I only have one entry because I realized right away that no one-and I mean NO ONE-has ever been there.  I actually asked people I know what they thought of it and they had no idea what I was talking about.  It's funny.  I have two fan pages.  And I have a mere handful-not even-of fans on these two fan pages.  (I think it's the same people).  Yet, they never know what I'm talking about when I ask them what they think of whatever I've posted.  Do you think maybe they 'hide' me?  Why would you be a 'fan' of something you're gonna end up hiding?  Because this way they can 'support' me without actually supporting me.   
 Anyway, if I were really fashion active I would have jumped at the opportunity--if indeed it were an actual thing.  There was a time, back in the day, when I was up on everything-knew all the designers and their histories, names and histories of the different styles, modelling and run way shows--I even helped to put one on.  I loved fashion.  I was excepted into the Boulder School of Design in Hotlanta, Georgia.  But, my life being the poop hole that it was, I was told point blank to get my head out of the clouds, no one was going to pay for me and if I thought I could get a grant that just showed how ignorant I was.  Ok then.  So much for my 'new' family.  However, I really did not have any real hope of doing anything with my life--other than to be some guys wife and have his kids.  And, realistically, that's all anybody else expected of my life.  Except that one teacher (my Fashion Merchandising teacher, Mrs. Gaines) who tried very hard to get me into the Boulder School of Design in Atlanta, Georgia.  She even found a way for me to get a government grant because I was in foster care.  And I admit, I did get a glimmer of hope right before I was laughed at.  So ended my love affair with fashion. 
 I never really got into the modelling thing though.  I had the body for it--I was just too short.  I was thin but very curvy and very 'hippy'.  I really looked good back in the day.  I just didn't know it.  Really, did not know this.  But I lacked two very important criteria for modelling: Confidence and Support.  In fact, I think you need these things to be successful in any aspect of life.  You need to know that you can do something and you need other people to remind you that you can do something.  But I believed that I was homely and skinny and just awkward so I always felt better behind the camera.  (The above photograph was taken in 1987 I think--I was twenty-two and the mother of one).
  Ah, well.  These days I don't really have the time to study fashion trends and designers--even though I run a company where I make and sell tote bags and clothing.  (Wearable art my ass).  And as for the body, well let's just say when I talk about back fat and muffin top I'm NOT talking about food.  I'm shorter now.  I still have the hips but now I also have the butt, the belly, and the boobs to match.  Ain't life grand!  But on the upside, getting dressed in the morning is a whole lot easier--I only have a few things that still fit.


Peaks of Otter-2009-Jimmy and My fat self.
Not a good picture!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

June 22, 2010

More Doggie Wisedom

"Always guard your masters plate so you can get first dibs on 'pre-washing'."

"Always wag your tail more furiously than the other dogs when you see your master.  You will get more attention and 'special' treats."

"If you wake your master up with lots of 'kisses' they will let you go pee first."

"And finally, NEVER sleep directly at your masters feet unless you know how to fly."



                                                         ~Words of Wisdom from Elvis the Terrier