February 24, 2010

Life is such a funny thing. You never really know what to expect. I like that though even when it's not what you were looking for. I had this whole age thing going around in my head and had planned to write that tonight. And Patricks graduation this Friday is also spinning around my brain-I'm very proud of him. He's going to be posted to Berlin for his first embassy post. A whole year in Germany. Wow. I'm happy for him, excited for him, but I'm really really gonna miss him. I know he's excited but he's got to be a little nervous too. But at least it's a country that does speak English. I wonder if he'll get fat. We are going up tomorrow afternoon and stay over night so we will be there fresh the next morning. Hopefully we will be able to have dinner with him. That's the plan anyway.
I'm not writing the age bit because I made two sales today. I sold one of tote bags to a returning customer and I finally sold one of my pillows. I'm so excited. I like my pillows but I was beginning to think that they would never sell. Then low and behold someone buys one. Now I just hope they like it when they get it. I haven't had a return yet and I don't want to start. I'm sure it will be fine. I do good work so why wouldn't it be? O.k. enough of that. Think about something else.
I ran into my cousin Kenny today. It was really good to see him. He's out of work too. That seems to be a recurring theme around here. Lord please let things change soon-for the better. He and Gus have been together twelve years, twelve years. That bears repeating. I did not realize it had been that long. Where did the time go? He really hasn't changed-gotten a little older but he hasn't changed. He's still the same ol' Kenny-thank God!
Oh, poop! My movie is about to come on! It's "The Jane Austin Book Club". I saw it once with Shannon but I can't remember how it went. I know I liked it. I love Jane Austin. Big Fan. O.k. Gotta go.

February 20, 2010

Well, here I sit again-alone. My husband's gone off to AA. This meeting is for the 'young people'. Thursday's meeting was for the young people. Wednesday was AA at one of the churches. Tuesday night was NA. Monday night of course is the big one-AA at the jail and at one of the churches (about 3 1/2 to 4 hrs.) Tuesday and Friday he did some work for a fellow member who he also took to Norfolk for chemo (I don't really know what kind of cancer he has). Oh, I forgot Sunday morning at the hospital before 'we' go to church. Now all this stuff is very commendable and I am proud of all the 'good' work he is doing (especially for his friend with cancer). And I feel mean and selfish for arguing about and complaining about. Not that my feelings account for anything since he does know how I feel. I mean one or two days a week would be fine. I can live with that. I have thought that if I drank he might feel obligated to 'help' me. I rather doubt it though. Maybe he's right-maybe I am just a mean selfish bitch. And to be honest, I don't know what I really expect from him. Do I have the right to expect anything? What I do know is that I am exceptionally lonely. And depressed. And I know he's here the rest of the time-as he would say I should be spending all of that with him. Did I mention that I was trying to get a business going? It is very difficult especially when you feel as if everyone else looks at it as just a hobby. I work here. I think that greatly diminishes my authenticity. Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's all in my head. I know he gets very defensive if I say anything negative about any of it. I know in my heart that it really does mean everything to him-I just can't compete with it. It's always been that way. I understand that I don't mean that much to him. (I truly believe he thinks he got jipped when he married me-sorry, I am just not that good of a wife).
On the up side, Patrick graduates from Quantico this Friday! It's so exciting! I think we are going to drive up early that morning. He did try to book us a hotel room for Thursday night but he made the reservation for March 26 instead of Feb. 26. He says he thought it was March-it is written on the calendar. I know I shouldn't say it but I can't help thinking that if it were for AA it would have been correct. There, I said it. Shame on me. I really shouldn't say any of this. I was just so upset. I forgot about the meeting tonight. I was heating up some dinner for us when he said something. We never eat dinner together anymore. I know I'm acting like a brat but I just don't get it. Now if AA actually paid him I'd be his biggest supporter. That's terrible. I really shouldn't have said that. Sorry. I know I'm being mean. And he would probably hate me if he knew I wrote this. He's not a bad man-just the opposite. I think I'm just not a very good woman. I keep praying that God will help me to do better. Tomorrow is Sunday-I better make sure I can get to church. Appearently I need it. Good night.

February 18, 2010

Just came in from walking the doggies. It's chilly and breezy outside-and still a little slick in spots. I felt like I was doing a dance a one point. A van stopped to let us cross the road-a very kind act-however that was one of the moments my feet decided to walk on ice. Let me tell you there's nothing like feeling like a fool trying not to fall when someone is sitting there watching you-actually got a spot light on you while your doing it. Oh, well. I'm still in one piece. I guess that's something.
You know you notice things when you walk, especially if your walking dogs. Like the empty pin where the big yellow dog use to sleep behind the big yellow house-his family is still there but he's not. Or the little female hound that lives in the 5'x5' pin behind her owners house by the ally. You can't walk by her without her growling and snarling at you. She literally jumps at and bits at the pin. And if you try to talk softly or sweetly to her she goes crazy-foaming and gnashing. It's horrible. Why on earth would you have a dog that you have to kept that way? I have never seen her with anyone-she's never been outside of that pin as far as I know. I've never seen anyone back there. I love animals but I honestly think it would be far more humane to have her put to sleep than to allow her to live this way. At this point I doubt if anyone could rehabilitate her. I think she is too far gone to ever be a pet. I bet if her owners had to live that way they would never do that to an animal again. Dogs need mental stimulation too otherwise they turn mean or die. They are social animals just like people. They need interaction. They need mental and physical stimulation. I just can not imagine having to live like that-I would rather be dead. What's really surprising is that I live in an area-the Avenues-where you would think people would have a little more consideration for their 'pets'. Most of the people over here are good to their animals because they are decent people. I guess heartless morons can come from anywhere. It's just one of those things you notice when you walk your dogs.

February 15, 2010

Well, my husband is off to jail (AA meeting for the inmates). Gotcha, didn't I? I think it's a good thing. Get yourself cleaned up and sorted while your in there and you might have a better chance of being a more productive member of society when you get out. That can't be a bad thing.
It's funny-yesterday was Valentines day and it was Sunday and it was Communion at my church. Communion-the breaking of bread to represent the body of Christ and the drinking of the 'wine' to represent the blood of Christ (also done during wedding ceremonies between the newly espoused-two becoming one). This is to become one with Christ-like a marriage. But what really blows my mind is His extreme sacrifice. I mean can you imagine living your whole life with the knowledge that one day the very people you walk among will take your life and you have to let them. Imagine having people follow you, revere you, love you only to betray you. Imagine loving these people so completely that if one of them hurt you hurt, if one them were in distress you felt that distress. To love people so much that you not only would be willing to die for them you do. You suffer not just the complete physical torture but the public humiliation of everyone lined up watching, laughing and mocking you. And the overwhelming heartache of knowing that these very people you love so much you die for. My little brain has such a hard time wrapping itself around a love that is that great. And to have Communion-the symbol of a marriage with Christ through His blood and His flesh-is the absolute perfect Valentine. And the best part-we all get to share it!
I know it's a day late but I hope you all had a great Valentines.

February 8, 2010

Well, it's been an interesting day-well actually it hasn't been so much interesting as entertaining. I started this morning with some quiet time with God-a very necessary part of my day. It's kinda like when you're a kid an you just need a hug from your folks. No special reason, just a quick hug and then your off playing again. It's like some reassurance that your loved. I need my God hugs in the morning. If all else fails I know I have those. I also got most of my tax papers together-the ones I could get at any rate. Still waiting on a couple of things to come in (like ink for the printer). I felt really good about this because I found receipts for things I had forgotten. About $400 worth of forgotten. Lord, I hope we get a decent amount back this year-more to the point I hope there isn't anybody else out there who can take what we should get. Man, I hate tax season. 'Cause even when we get money back someone else takes it. We don't even get to see what it looks like. But anyway we should get something back this year-God knows we need. (You know I'm sure He hears that a lot). Lisa, Garris, and Tina came by and got us for lunch today. We went to Sheldon's. I don't know really know why I like that place so much but I do. I feel like a kid every time I get to go there. I'm the happiest little white girl you ever met. It was very enjoyable. You know-and it my just be me or my age-it just seems like some of the best moments in life happen when there's food. Somehow food is involved. Well, except for when your like twenty then it's alcohol and sex. (And we all know what that leads to-too much fun). Life is just too short. I firmly believe in good health comes from good diet. And everything in moderation. But I also believe that everyone once in while needs to relax and enjoy something not because it is good for you but because it just makes you happy. It might be a big fat piece of sinfully decadent chocolate cake or greasy breaded deep fried piece of catfish but once a week be "bad" and enjoy it. And enjoy the people around you. But take care of yourself so you can enjoy the people around and they can enjoy you.
When we got back I walked the dogs back into the 'Greens'. It was a nice crisp walk. We really do enjoy our walks. It's the equivalent of a dad playing ball with his sons or a mom going shopping with her daughters. The dogs and I go walking. I can not imagine my world without them in it. Well, I am going to get off here and get ready for 'House' before I get sappy. God Bless and Good Night.

February 4, 2010

Stay warm and safe--God Bless.

February 3, 2010

Well, here I sit eating my ramen noodles. I put some thinly sliced onion and mushroom in it. A little bit of spinach or chicken would have been good but I didn't have any. Oh, well, this is still good. It's funny though how something so simple and completely cheap can be eaten so many ways. I like a little broth, my husband does not. He actually cooks the noodles, then drains them, then puts the flavor packet on them. Oh, with butter. He thinks the way I eat it is thoroughly disgusting. In fact, most everything we eat is this way. Mealtime in our house is a major event with the making of two meals every meal. Occasionally I refuse which leads to grumbling and sometimes discourse. The only time we are truly happy is when we can afford to go out to dinner-then we both get just what we want and neither of us has to cook it or clean it up. I do find it odd that even though neither of us likes the others food we both love to eat-and it shows! I do try very hard to eat and live healthy but it is very expensive and without a real paycheck coming in it is getting more and more difficult. Oh, he did not get the Louisiana job-they went with the other guy. While he is still here he has been trying to do some good by helping people with drug or alcohol addictions, he gives talks/speeches and is trying with the help of the Wesleyan Foundation to start an AA chapter at Longwood to help students who might have addictions and want help. I personally think this is a fantastic and very commendable thing to do. If he weren't here he would not be able to do this. On the other hand, he really does need a job! His unemployment and the little bit my shop brings in is just not enough. But we are doing as much as we can. It really is in Gods hands. Kinda like the weather. They can 'predict' what's to come but you really don't know until it gets here. And you just got to trust in God that He will keep you safe. Well, my ramen is gone now-darn! My doggies are waiting patiently for their evening walk. I think they are really sick of the snow now. They miss walking on the sidewalks and the areas where they can poop comfortably are completely covered. They are basically pooping on the street snow with momma bagging it up-how embarrassing for a dog. Now to mention how very inconvenient and cumbersome it is for me. I know they are dogs but I really hate to tell them we're getting more. We're going to have to take a really long walk tomorrow. Ah well, better go. Get it over with. Good night.