June 24,2010

 I am not a fashionista. Not from a lack of trying--more from a lack of money.  My style these days is more a loose comfortable skirt and a feminine t-shirt.  Even though I consider myself a girly girl (I really do love to mess around with clothes, shoes, jewelry, oh my!) I actually have to put money out on other things (lights, rent, gas, food-you know, bills).  I also don't have the time to devote to really enjoying fashion as it should be enjoyed because of other things--God, family, the future and work.  So I was kind of surprised when I got an invitation to join a fashion and style blogsite.  I went back through all my blogs and it was just as I suspected--not a single blog entry about fashion.  So, maybe they were thinking of my Avon blog--but no, that can't be.   I only have one entry because I realized right away that no one-and I mean NO ONE-has ever been there.  I actually asked people I know what they thought of it and they had no idea what I was talking about.  It's funny.  I have two fan pages.  And I have a mere handful-not even-of fans on these two fan pages.  (I think it's the same people).  Yet, they never know what I'm talking about when I ask them what they think of whatever I've posted.  Do you think maybe they 'hide' me?  Why would you be a 'fan' of something you're gonna end up hiding?  Because this way they can 'support' me without actually supporting me.   

 Anyway, if I were really fashion active I would have jumped at the opportunity--if indeed it were an actual thing.  There was a time, back in the day, when I was up on everything-knew all the designers and their histories, names and histories of the different styles, modelling and run way shows--I even helped to put one on.  I loved fashion.  I was excepted into the Boulder School of Design in Hotlanta, Georgia.  But, my life being the poop hole that it was, I was told point blank to get my head out of the clouds, no one was going to pay for me and if I thought I could get a grant that just showed how ignorant I was.  Ok then.  So much for my 'new' family.  However, I really did not have any real hope of doing anything with my life--other than to be some guys wife and have his kids.  And, realistically, that's all anybody else expected of my life.  Except that one teacher (my Fashion Merchandising teacher, Mrs. Gaines) who tried very hard to get me into the Boulder School of Design in Atlanta, Georgia.  She even found a way for me to get a government grant because I was in foster care.  And I admit, I did get a glimmer of hope right before I was laughed at.  So ended my love affair with fashion. 

 I never really got into the modelling thing though.  I had the body for it--I was just too short.  I was thin but very curvy and very 'hippy'.  I really looked good back in the day.  I just didn't know it.  Really, did not know this.  But I lacked two very important criteria for modelling: Confidence and Support.  In fact, I think you need these things to be successful in any aspect of life.  You need to know that you can do something and you need other people to remind you that you can do something.  But I believed that I was homely and skinny and just awkward so I always felt better behind the camera.  (The above photograph was taken in 1987 I think--I was twenty-two and the mother of one).

  Ah, well.  These days I don't really have the time to study fashion trends and designers--even though I run a company where I make and sell tote bags and clothing.  (Wearable art my ass).  And as for the body, well let's just say when I talk about back fat and muffin top I'm NOT talking about food.  I'm shorter now.  I still have the hips but now I also have the butt, the belly, and the boobs to match.  Ain't life grand!  But on the upside, getting dressed in the morning is a whole lot easier--I only have a few things that still fit.

Peaks of Otter-2009-Jimmy and My fat self.

Not a good picture!