March 4, 2010

It's getting a little chilly outside. It's suppose to be really nice this weekend. Looking forward to that. Feeling kinda lonely-a little blue. I keep trying to get my mind to be a bit more productive and useful but it seems to want to focus on being alone, being lonely, is there something wrong with me? With him? Has there been a cosmic shift in the universe? What ever it is my equilibrium is off and I feel like cosmic crap. Oh, well, we shall not wallow in this. We shall suck in our gut, stick our chin up and carry on. And I would really like to know who this 'we' is. Don't know why I keep saying that. I shall do all this because I am better than that. I know I have worth. Still not feeling it though.
I think I just want so much from this life and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm forty-five and I still do not own anything. I'm at a stage in my life where I could easily be a Nana and I have no place for my potential gran babies to come see me-no place for them to play. The dogs can't even go outside without a leash because there isn't a fence here. And since I don't own the place I can't put one up. I'm forty-five and I haven't even got a career because I never got a decent education-because I listened to my heart instead of my head (probably a good thing since I got my children from that). Anyway, at this age you would think I would have done something with my life. But no. Here I am in a house where I can't even afford to pay the rent any more. Man, something has got to give. We need jobs-not just me and mine but everyone. I know it's not just me but man this is just not a good situation. I am just so frustrated. And fed up. Something has got to give.
I seem to be having problems with blogger. I think I might need to wrap this up. I just needed to blow off steam. I know things will get better. Eventually.